I don’t like romantic movies, but one I’ve watched quite a bit is “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” (Netflix). It’s adorable and quirky, and I see myself in the protagonist, Lara Jean. She’s sweet, unassuming, and simply lives her average high school life being invisible, all while spending hours with her nose in her favorite romance novels. She has a small stash of love letters she wrote to certain boys she had crushes on over the years, which she never, ever meant to send. And then one day… they get sent. And each of the boys receives them. And she is mortified. I won’t give spoilers, but this starts a series of shenanigans where she ends up in a love triangle and has to decide what she really wants.
Her sister confronts her with this line: “Lara Jean, could you maybe just admit that some part of you doesn’t want everything in your life to be a fantasy?”
I haven’t been that 16-year-old girl in a long time, but I do feel like I’m maybe at some sort of in-between stage right now. Yes, there’s the layer of my career that’s evolving, but I see everything as connected, so maybe the in-between state is growth as a person. The process of bringing any “fantasy” (i.e., hopes, dreams, goals, etc.) to reality isn’t easy. It’s daily work. It’s awkward conversations. It’s hopeful emails and messages. It’s making big decisions. It’s an unplanned trip to San Diego. It’s risk, boldness, and vulnerability.
And at some point (or probably many points), it’s leaving the old stuff behind. The old mindsets. The old ways. The old attachments. Even the people who keep you too comfortable. Because, like Lara Jean, we can’t have the reality of what we want if we’re clinging to the safety and comfort of our fantasies. But the reward on the other side of letting go is deeply fulfilling. The reward is a legacy you’ve actually built. It’s relationships where you’re loved, seen, and accepted as you are, but also spurred on to grow as a person. It’s actually making a tangible difference in the world. So here’s to removing the fantasies of our VR lenses and experiencing the joys, pain, surprises, and mysteries of real life.
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